this is when your heart brings you down. and I will not let that happen to me.

Anyway I am now at pennsylvania visiting juang at upenn. finally after like 3 weeks. I should be sleeping but I'm awake because I have to sign up for my spring registration shit. Last night cat and i went to have dinner at chinatown with juang and her roommate. I had curry mee with fishballs (not really a fan of fishballs but whatevs) and it was like OMFGSOGOOD. I miss singapore food a lot a lot its crzy. And then I was so tired that instead of going out like we planned to, I fell asleep in juang's room. also, i really miss New York, and it's been a day.

Some things I want to work out, but I can't because I'm not sure, I'm not sure in so many ways. And anyway the ending will never be pretty, not for me at least. So in the end, there just is no point in figuring anything out.

I don't want a to be part of a Love Game, so Quit Playing Games With My Heart.

I miss my friends so much its unbelievable. While I am write my essay on Chinua Achebe's No Longer At Ease, my heart is back in Singapore, back at those times where we just hung out at starbucks because there is nothing else to do in Singapore, or when we had dinner and I always chose the location (therefore we always end up at sushi tei). And I miss the way my friends laughed and rolled their eyes and said fuck you to each other over the silliest things (maybe it was just me). I miss wanting's weird laughter, I miss juang's intellectual conversations about her thoughts, I miss trang's annoying ipod and earphones which were constantly plugged in. I miss cen and the way she is used to every fucked up habit of mine, I miss vic and her house and her reluctance to move a step out of it. I miss the jeannie and our little supper adventures, I miss charmaine and her squeaky voice and shortness.



Disappointment is a terrible feeling. Knowing that you have disappointed someone could be even worse. I know this can't be anything, which makes me want it more. I'm not a realist.
I'm a terrible terrible person. Selfish and terrible person.

I'm going to the library in a little while. I'm starting to like Bobst even though its not very pretty on the outside. Just now all of us went ice skating and I was on 86th street which in a way reminded me of some great nights. Anyway ice skating was so much fun, the music was great and it was just nice to see so many people I know at the same place. I haven't been skating for like 5 years so I was pretty surprised that I could still move.

The nights here are so pretty and little things like ice skating with friends, studying late at night or receiving a call from someone who just called to say hi makes me very happy.

New York, I'm falling in love with you.